Fading Scars

This is an essay that I wrote when I was a junior in high school. I found it the other day when I was looking through my old stuff at home. The topic was: Write an essay about the most difficult obstacle you have faced, and how it changed you. Though this is very personal, I hope you are able to see God's redemptive love through any and every mistake you could make in life. This is for the person who is trying to find healing for their own broken heart. Here it is:

Fading Scars

At the age of fifteen, my heart was scattered into millions of pieces and I frantically searched to find a way to gently place the jagged edges back together. Learning to move on from a life-shaking heartbreak has been the most difficult obstacle I have ever faced. Through this experience I have been faced with heart-wrenching pain, an ocean of memories and the triumph of finding myself again.

I vividly remember the exact moment my world was turned upside down. After letting the phone drop from my ear, I was instantly struck with an uncertainness of where to go or what to do from that point on. How was I going to survive without my “best friend”? Who was going to show me the love and comfort that only someone close to the heart can give? For the first year after the break-up, those questions flooded my mind, draining my emotional tank.

The fact that I had to see his face everyday did nothing but intensify the pain, causing painful memories to attack constantly. The slightest actions, such as him putting his arm around a friend, took me back to the countless hours we spent holding each other close. Instead of leaving pleasant, cheerful thoughts, these memories were knives piercing the innermost being of my soul. At times, the heartache seemed unbearable, and many a time I wanted to run away to a land far, far away, but I pushed on.

Just as a wound heals to form a scar, my heart began to heal. I learned to look ahead and dream of my true Prince riding in and saving me. My days were not filled with the hopelessness and regret, but with hope of a new life. I found out how strong I truly am and that with God on my side nothing can keep me down. Helen Keller once said, “One door does not close without another one opening. But sometimes we are so focused on the one that closed, that we fail to see the open door right in front of us.” For a while, I was unable to see the open door waiting for me to walk through. However, now I have flung the door wide open, just waiting to see what glorious things lay ahead. I have now learned that just as wounds heal to form scars, scars fade with precious time.

Tear Down These Walls

My friend Andrew was telling me about a story that he wrote in his English class. The story spoke of a man traveling on a journey that produced tremendous obstacles, such as him fighting off a giant bear that came across his path, and also amazing gifts, like a golden cup buried in the dust, but somehow perfectly spotless and valuable. The story continued on as the man overcame many trials and rewards, but at the end of the story the man comes upon a wall stretching forever to the east and west, and reaching too high to climb. The story ends with him facing the wall, wondering how to get past it to continue on the journey. When Andrew finished the story he was frustrated with the fact that he couldn’t figure out a way to finish it with the man triumphantly making it past the sturdy wall that stood in his pathway. As we talked, we figured out that Christ was the only way to get past this wall, but how he was going to accomplish this, we didn’t know. When I saw him later on that day, he was excited to tell me of the wisdom our friend Felix had revealed to him. He said, “When we come to walls in life, those are the times when we have to rely on God the most. There is nothing in our power that we can do to get past it. Only God has the power to tear down the wall that block us from knowing him better.” It’s us, fully surrendering to God, which allows the wall in front of us to fall. So, Andrew said that was the reason he couldn’t finish his story. It’s not his place in life to figure out how God’s going to bring the wall down. He is, as are we, only called to lay down his life to God, asking for His will and nothing else. Only God is big enough for the task breaking the barriers in our lives. All of this got me thinking about what I try to do for God. How often do I put God in a box, telling Him that He is only allowed to answer a certain prayer if He does it this certain way only. Or do I ask “please let me surrender my life to you, as long as I can keep control of this one particular area.” Do I not trust the God of the Universe to faithfully lead me through every part of life? Why is it so important for me to create the perfect husband in my head, or decide where I want to live when I graduate, or have the career that I want to have? Who am I in comparison to God? Let’s stop putting the Maker of the Heavens in our tiny little box and let Him work miracles in our lives. Stop doubting His power, and learn to embrace the mightiness of His hands. Our God is greater and stronger than anything blocking the Light that radiates from His glory. Trust Him, and your walls will come down.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and turn away from evil.” –Proverbs 3:5-7 -